You Can't Persuade Me

Last week I shared a lesson from a late friend who borrowed everything in his house.

This week, I have another lesson from him: "You can't persuade people. You can only influence them."

His comments took me aback since I was going to Youngstown State University and getting a degree in Communications, focusing on persuasion.

So I've thought long and hard about the difference between persuasion and influence.

I've realized the primary difference is the intent for creating change. In persuasion, we start with what we want people to do. On the other hand, influence requires trust, connection, commitment, consistency, leadership, and most importantly, the willingness to be changed yourself.

What I think is right for the other person is limited at best and constricting at worst. It would be dangerous for me to want to change others with a spirit of "I'm right, and if people thought like me, they'd be right." Yet, that's what we do when we persuade.

I don't seek to be right. I seek the truth. I'm seeking mutual influence. The judging, assumptions, & reflexes of the ego all get in the way. While influencing, I tell myself to open up more. I learn, stretch, & grow as a result.

I've yet to hear, "you've persuaded me" whenever I've tried to persuade someone.

I've yet to see a Facebook argument end up with someone saying, "Yes, I was looking at this wrong. You're right. Thanks for teaching me."

I've yet to get in a debate with someone who said anything remotely close to, "You know what, Louis, with all you're glorious intellect, I should be thankful you've called me out on X, Y, Z, and now I'm going to change my life forever because of it."

So how do you influence people?

Through honesty, integrity, positivity, consistency, and accepting the change you're seeking to make may not be best for everyone.

You treat people the way your mother taught you, follow the platinum rule, & show up again and again.

Persuading through fear, passion, doubt, and excitement has a bottom floor.

Influencing with opportunity, unity, potential, and by example has no ceiling.